


J.J. Macfield and the Real World

by notheryet



Category: The Missing: J.J. Macfield and the Island of Memories (Video Game)
Genre: F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Relationship Problems, Trans Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-03
Updated: 2020-10-03
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:46:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26798305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notheryet/pseuds/notheryet
Summary: Emily and J.J. try to be intimate for the first time, but J.J. feels uneasy in her own body.
Relationships: Jackie Jameson "J.J." Macfield/Emily Thompson
Kudos: 6





	J.J. Macfield and the Real World

**Author's Note:**

> I swear I didn't mean to make this so depressing. I'll write another chapter soon to fix it.

“I’m sorry for the mess,” Emily said, sheepishly giggling. She wasn’t lying. Her apartment was a complete garbage heap. In one corner, a pile of unwashed laundry came up to J.J.’s waist; her sink was full of dishes stained with bits of frosting and powdered sugar. J.J. could feel her perfectionist impulses rising up from her stomach, but she pushed them down and instead gave a long, dramatic sigh.

“You really can’t do anything without me, can you?” she teased. Emily hit her lightly in the arm—lightly for Emily, at least. It still stung. J.J. didn’t mind, but she retaliated by reaching out to tickle Emily’s stomach, a weak point which she had known from all the way back in primary school. Emily began to squeal, and the duffel bag she was carrying promptly fell out of her hands as she rushed to restrain J.J.’s wrists.

J.J.’s mother had tried to get her to pack lighter, but she had coldly ignored her advice. She didn’t want to be cruel, but she couldn’t help but feel her teeth tighten and nails dig into her palms whenever she heard her mother’s voice. J.J. had spent her entire life letting her mother destroy her self-confidence, and she knew that no matter her intentions, she would never be able to be the person J.J. needed; neither would J.J. ever be the son that her mother needed. J.J. wasn’t sure if her mother knew why she needed to keep her distance, but she had seemed to at least finally have reached some kind of grudging acceptance. Her constant deluge of calls and texts had dwindled to a single message each weekend updating J.J. on the situation back home. It was an uneasy truce, but still worlds better than the way things had been before.

Other things had improved, too. The guilt of what she had said to Emily stung J.J. to the core for the longest time. She knew Emily had already forgiven her, but even so, she found it difficult to imagine how she could. Emily was the most precious person in her life, the one who was always there when no one else had been. The thought of hurting her was unbearable.

One night when things had started to become particularly intimate as the kissing had turned into a full-blown makeout, J.J. had suddenly burst into tears. Emily had immediately stopped and let J.J. speak her fears through choked sobs: she knew that as long as they were together, J.J. would keep hurting Emily; Emily was only doing this because she felt bad for her; she was nothing but a burden, a monster, a freak. Emily said nothing, just pressing soft kisses into her palm and circling her thumb in the small of J.J.’s back until she fell asleep.

J.J. knew that there was no such thing as a conflict-free relationship. Even so, the two of them had never really had a “fight.” They trusted each other enough to bring up their concerns before they could fester, and they weren’t the kind of people to yell at each other just to relieve stress.

Even so, J.J. worried all the time. She worried that there was something that bothered Emily that she wasn’t telling her. She couldn’t put a finger on it, but she knew it was there, lingering in her smile. She just wished she had the courage to ask.

“J.J.? You all right?” Emily quirked her head to the side.

Realizing she’d been drifting off in her own thoughts, J.J. offered a reassuring smile. “Yeah, I’m okay. Just thinking about everything.”

“Hmm… Anything in particular?” Emily responded in a playful tone.

“What do you m—” J.J. looked over to see Emily cupping her own boobs, moving them up and down. A hot flush spread down her neck. “Wh-what the hell are you doing?!”

“Hypnosis,” Emily replied as if it was self-evident. “I guess you’re immune to it.” She stuck out her tongue.

“You dork.” J.J. picked up the duffel bag and set it down in the next room before collapsing onto Emily’s bed with a sigh. Emily soon joined her, flopping an arm around her.

“That drive really wore me out,” J.J. said.

“But you weren’t even the one driving!”

“I don’t know. Road trips just make me sleepy.”

“Mm.” Emily ran her fingers through J.J.’s hair, which now came down a little past her shoulders. She knew how much it meant to J.J., and she seemed to find it absolutely entrancing.

“Do you want me to fix dinner for you?”

J.J. gulped. Emily’s domestic skills left a lot to be desired, but she knew that she really enjoyed being able to take care of her. Her food wouldn’t kill her, at least. Probably.

“Wow, such a housewife,” J.J. joked. Emily slapped her shoulder, but she giggled.

“Make yourself at home, lazybones. I’ve got a charger in the bedside table drawer since your genius brain apparently forgot to bring one.”

J.J. huffed, and Emily giggled again. “Don’t worry, your absentmindedness is just another thing I love about you.” She kissed J.J.’s forehead. J.J. wished she had the courage to return those words right now, but Emily had never seemed bothered when she didn’t. It was just a lot for her.

Emily set off to the kitchen, whistling happily. J.J. rolled over and opened the desk drawer, eager to reboot her phone and check her email. Professor Goodman had messaged her recently about a potential internship. She slammed the drawer shut as soon as she saw the big purple dildo.

She breathed out. The sound of clattering pots and pans echoed from the kitchen.

She opened the drawer again. Yep, it was still there. Okay. The charger was sitting right next to it. She just had to reach over and—

Nope. No no no no. She closed it again. This was something she was not psychologically prepared to deal with today. She closed her eyes and groaned, burying her face in the crook of her elbow.

As soon as she did so, she started to vividly imagine what Emily would do—had probably done with the thing. She would slip her underwear down, blushing as she bit her lower lip, spreading her legs and—

She slapped her cheeks and dispelled the thought. A turmoil of different emotions was roiling inside her. Embarrassment? Definitely. Annoyance that Emily hadn’t forewarned her? It was probably to be expected.

Arousal? She didn’t want to think about it.

Most upsetting to her, though, was the deep streak of jealousy. It wasn’t just that Emily was far more comfortable with these things. It was also that she… well… she was comfortable with her own body in a way that J.J. might never be. If J.J. had the liberty to choose, she would want Emily’s soft curves, her hips, her wispy, light body hair. Emily probably didn’t feel disgusted every time she saw herself in a mirror, and that meant that a whole range of possibilities was open to her that would never be open to J.J.

Never? J.J. hadn’t actually thought about it before. Could she be happy going her entire life without ever doing anything sexual? It wasn’t as though she didn’t feel any desire for it. In fact, the problem was that the opposite was the case. There were moments where she felt aroused—very aroused, in fact. Like when Emily had scooted back in her lap and brushed into her crotch, and when she had leaned over to wipe a bit of ice cream off of J.J’s face and she had seen down her shirt, and—well, the point was, there were a lot of moments. But she was never able to separate out those feelings from the sharp pangs of disgust and envy that inevitably accompanied them.

If her experience had taught her anything, it was that she should never assume that bad things are inevitable. But she had no idea how to even go about dealing with this. It was inextricably linked to other insecurities on different levels. Sex was… complicated. (Understatement of the century.) She wanted to put it off for as long as she possibly could, and yet it also felt sometimes like it was right there, just within her grasp. It was infuriating to think about, really.

“J.J.?” Emily was standing at the doorway. “Are you okay?” She frowned. “I’ve been saying dinner’s ready…”

“Right.” J.J. realized she hadn’t moved an inch since she started thinking about the dildo. “I was just. Um. Thinking about something. A homework problem.”

“Oh, ok.” Emily shuffled her feet a bit. “Well, if you’re hungry…”

“Did you invite me to your new apartment so we could have sex?” J.J. blurted out, then immediately regretted it. She sat up straight, looking down at her lap. “I mean, that’s a stupid question. Please forget I said that.”

Emily was silent. J.J. looked up at her and saw she had turned beet-red.

“Um.” Emily’s voice quavered. “I mean, that wasn’t the only reason, but… I mean… I thought it was, like… maybe the right time to… try stuff like that… if you wanted to.” She was wringing her hands so hard that J.J. was scared they would break. J.J. rushed over to her and grabbed her hands, pulling them up to her chest. Emily seemed to relax a little.

“Is that something you’ve wanted to do for a while?” J.J. asked quietly.

“Well…” Emily seemed to have a hard time holding her gaze. “I mean, I guess it has been. But I didn’t want to rush you into it or anything. I just…” She looked at J.J. “I’m not, like, forcing this onto you or anything, am I? Because I really, really don’t want you to feel like this is something you have to do. Like, it’s not something that will change the way I feel about you one way or the other. It’s just…”

“It’s something that you want,” J.J. said simply. Emily nodded bashfully. J.J. coughed.

“Do you, um. Do… things like that to yourself a lot?”

Emily smiled cheekily. “You’d have to define ‘a lot.’ But… I guess so. Pretty regularly. I’m pretty, ah… attentive to my own needs.”

Needs. This was a very new concept for J.J. How hadn’t she picked up on this earlier?

Emily drew her eyebrows together in concern. “J.J.? We haven’t really talked about how you feel about all this.”

How I feel. She didn’t really know. On the one hand, the fact that Emily was so open about this was utterly adorable. On the other, thinking about her touching herself… not just that. Thinking about her touching herself while thinking about J.J. was completely overwhelming. It felt stupidly unreal. Emily stroked J.J.’s knuckles as she pondered, patiently listening.

“I guess I just…” J.J. started, then flexed her jaw loosely, the words failing to escape her. Goddammit, she could feel tears starting to well up. Even for something as stupid as this. Something that normal couples did all the time. Not only was there a beautiful girl here with her, someone who J.J. knew lots of people from her hometown had probably fantasized about, she wanted to do this with J.J. Like, with J.J. exclusively. She felt stupid for not being able to push past whatever mental block was keeping her from following through on this.

“I want to do it,” she heard herself say before she could stop it. Emily blinked.

“Oh. Really?”

J.J. swallowed, pushing down the discomfort swelling in her stomach. “Yeah. I mean, it’s been long enough, I think.”

“Oh. Okay. Well, um, we should probably go eat dinner befo-WHOA!” Emily yelped as J.J. spun her around and pushed her onto the bed. She grinned wolfishly at J.J.

“Well, hello there, Miss Impatient.” She grabbed J.J.’s cheeks and pulled her into a deep kiss. J.J. enjoyed that part, at least. She opened her lips and let Emily’s tongue slide into her mouth, sucking on it slightly. When they parted, Emily was breathless, her eyes hazy with desire. J.J. could feel the thing in her groin getting harder, which made her want to throw up, but she fixed her attention on Emily’s wonderful expression instead. She kissed the underside of Emily’s jaw, then her neck. Emily shivered with delight. God, she really was beautiful.

“I have a, um. Condom over there. And some lube.” Emily gestured to her cabinet. “Although we should probably take a second to work up to—”

J.J. leaped over to the cabinet and grabbed it. She didn’t want to give herself any time to think about what she was doing. She rolled the condom onto herself hastily and applied some of the lube, refusing to look at it the entire time. She was glad that her hair was down in her face so Emily couldn’t see the grimace she must have been wearing.

“Wow, J.J., this is…” Whatever Emily was about to say was replaced with a pleased whine as J.J. planted her lips onto Emily’s. As usual, Emily was wearing a dress, which meant J.J. didn’t have to waste time fumbling with any buttons. She hiked up the hem and ran her hands along Emily’s thighs. She shivered again in response; it seemed like she was really sensitive to even these tactile sensations. That part J.J. could enjoy, at least.

“Please,” Emily panted. “I really, really want you to touch me. Please.” She was practically mewling at this point, her hands guiding J.J.’s own towards the point of no return. J.J. hesitated a moment before acquiescing, slipping her hand beneath the waistband of Emily’s panties.

Emily let out a relieved sigh, closing her eyes and leaning her head back. J.J. was a bit entranced by the new feeling. It was… soft, first of all. And very wet. It was kind of squishy and pliable, like silly putty. Probably a weird comparison. It was… altogether quite nice. J.J. ran her fingers along Emily’s labia, pulling her underwear down further by arching her wrist. She carefully felt around Emily’s contours, finding her clitoris (which was much easier than she’d been led to believe) and then dipping slightly into the cavity itself, which she could feel pulling on her finger eagerly.

“God, J.J.,” Emily groaned. “You’re so good. You’re so so so good.”

J.J. didn’t feel like she was good. Emily was good. Emily was fantastic. But she wanted J.J. to stick that thing inside of her. And then J.J. would start to turn into something else. She would be ravaging Emily, attacking her like a depraved animal. And she would enjoy it, too. She’d enjoy being a monster.

She could already feel herself moving her hips into position. J.J. was holding her breath, refusing to look Emily in the face. She couldn’t know what J.J. was feeling, or it would all be over.

She pushed it against Emily, who wiggled her hips to help guide it. It slipped in, fitting snugly inside of her. Emily let out a high-pitched squeak.

“Oh, God. Oh my God, J.J., I love you.”

J.J. wanted to say it back to her. She desperately wanted to say it more than anything in the entire world. She tried to speak, but she was choking on her own spit. Swallowing her anger and frustration at herself, she poured it all into her core, thrusting violently into Emily’s body. She didn’t seem to mind. Quite the opposite in fact. Her rhythmic breaths told J.J. that she actually enjoyed being used like this.

J.J. felt sick. She was no longer there; she was watching herself through a window, watching the monstrous half-man freak move in and out of Emily. She wanted to scream and tell it to stop, but she was powerless. That thing had taken Emily away from her; it had even taken her own body away from her. J.J. was trapped there.

“J.J.”

This was what Emily had wanted, wasn’t it?

“J.J., stop!”

She rushed back into her own body and saw Emily looking at her, eyes wide with shock and confusion. She vaguely registered the tears streaming down her cheeks. Her hips stopped moving, her torso propped up parallel to Emily’s on rigid, skinny arms.

“I’m sorry. Sorry. I can keep going,” J.J. whispered.

“No.”

“Did I—did I hurt you?” J.J. blanched. “Oh my God, Emily, I’m so sorry, I—”

“You didn’t hurt me,” Emily reassured her. “I just think we should stop. I don’t think this is good for you.”

J.J. stared at her for a few more seconds before collapsing limply on the bed next to Emily, her face pressed into her girlfriend’s shoulders. Her body was wracked by sobs as she screamed into Emily’s shoulder.

She was humiliated. What a pathetic display. She couldn’t even do this one thing for her girlfriend. J.J. was the worst partner she could have asked for. Somehow she’d tricked Emily into falling in love with her, and this was how she repaid her?

And now Emily had to sit here and comfort her while she cried like a bratty kid. She had shifted J.J.’s head onto her lap and was petting her hair slowly, whispering “I love you” over and over again. Why did she put up with all of this? Surely some part of her hated J.J. for being so dependent.

“I should go,” J.J. choked out eventually. “I should just go back home. I shouldn’t have come here. You don’t deserve this. You don’t deserve to be… stuck with me. I’m so sorry, Emily.”

“Shut up,” Emily said softly. “You’re not going anywhere. I love you. I love all of you. Nothing you’ve done has ever changed that. Just… I don’t want you to force yourself to do anything for me. I only want to do that if you’re comfortable with it too. So please, please don’t make yourself do it for me.”

J.J. nestled further into Emily’s lap, drawing her knees up to her chest.

“I want you to be honest with me, you know? You can talk about what’s bothering you. You don’t have to keep it bottled up inside all the time.”

J.J. nodded, but she wasn’t sure that was something she was capable of. She wasn’t sure about anything anymore. Instead she let herself slowly melt away into Emily’s warmth, carried off by gentle whispers heard yet not remembered.


End file.
